Remember this post when I kind of bashed Americans but then tried to pretend I hadn’t bashed them and kissed their ass a little because America is all-powerful and scary? Well, I was thinking this weekend that although in many ways I do love the States (some of my very favourite things in the whole world come from there, i.e., Starbucks lattes and Johnny Depp) don’t you just imagine that the WHOLE WORLD watches the Olympics and cheers for everybody and anybody other than the Americans? That’s what I do. For some reason all my annoyance at anything American is carried on the shoulders of their Olympic athletes and I’ll find myself suddenly FAITHFULLY AND WHOLE HEARTEDLY COMMITTED TO THE COUNTRY OF BELIZE OMG I LOVE BELIZE MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD AND I HOPE THEY WIN PLEASE GOD LET THEM WIN AT BADMINTON AND I’LL NEVER ASK FOR ANYTHING ELSE I SWEAR! Funny.
Also, I thought of something else to add to my list:
I once got kicked out of a bar in Sydney, Australia, for being passed out on a banquette having not had a DROP OF ALCOHOL. I was just that tired. And the banquette was that comfy. So I lay down and had a little nap and next thing I knew a big surly dude was waking me up and telling me I had to beat it. It was really loud in there, too, so it’s a testament to just how easily and soundly I am able to sleep.
Oh! and on the topic of sleep here’s another one: I used to take daily naps at a previous job in the bathroom, sitting on the shitter using the toilet paper dispenser as a pillow. I had my pants up and everything so it wasn’t weird. And one day I fell asleep for a long time and when I woke up and it was, like, 5:30 and everyone had gone home so I just got up and left.