LAWD HAVE MERCY MY PUBLIC NEEEEEEEEEDS ME! You guys make me feel so loved and warm and fuzzy inside.
Sorry for the lack of blogging. Work actually got kinda busy… Alright, let’s truth it up: I had a mid-term review and there were a lot of crickets chirping and awkward pauses and then THIS happened:
MEAN ANGRY BOSS: Kirstin, why are you such a f*cking moron? Your job is not hard and yet you seem to be struggling to get your work done. Instead you spend an awful lot of time typing but we don’t know what you’re typing WHAT ARE YOU TYPING, WOMAN, WHAAAAAAAAAAT?
KIRSTIN: I’m…um… blogging.
MEAN ANGRY BOSS: …what is that, some kind of feminine problem?
KIRSTIN: uh, ya, ya that’s it – a feminine problem.
MEAN ANGRY BOSS: well, then take some midol or something, would you and start DOING SOME F*CKING WORK AROUND HERE BEFORE I CALL THE FEDS.
What? Oh, sorry, I got carried away. Ya, none of that actually happened. It was more like:
NICE FRIENDLY BOSS: Sooooooo, I think things are going well but there’s probably more you could be doing to expand the role, why don’t we come up with some ideas together.
KIRSTIN: You’re so nice me Friendly Boss. Thank you. In fact, you’re so nice that I feel bad for doing so much blogging during working hours. Maybe I’ll do some work for a while until I lose momentum again and then I’ll go back to full-time blogging.
NICE FRIENDLY BOSS: Sounds good, so let me tell you a funny little anecdote about getting pissed drunk with a particular blog-reader’s sister the other night…
Anyway, that’s the explanation. Plus we have the whole Ahn family visiting from Korea so you wouldn’t even begin to BELIEVE all the family outings I’ve been on in the past week – dinners, parties, informal get togethers – all of them with the same people and all of them involving 90% Korean-only conversation.
I’ve spent a lot of quality time inside my head while in the company of others lately.
But now here I am and… OH MY GOD, guess what? Great Wolf Lodge baby! We’re going on Thursday evening waterslideshereIcomewatchoutformeeeeeeeee! And we’ll ALL be speaking the international language of watery-slippery-splash-in-your-face adventure. And my mother in law’s not such a strong swimmer AND she’s soooo one of those people that would never let the water come within several inches of her middle-aged-ball-haircut hair while chillin in a swimming pool so maybe I’ll “accidentally” forget about the fact that she’s not a strong swimmer and pull a little “wheeeee! isn’t this fun? let’s rough-house” and push ‘er in the deep end just for kicks. WHAT? I’m soooo joking. I would never do that. Never. Well… NO never.
And then, in other not-so-happy news we’ve decreased our cable package to the basics (which actually includes almost every channel imaginable) but last night there was nothing on and so I was going to go to my default show – which is Jon & Kate Plus 8 which plays on TLC ALL DAY EVERY DAY DON’T YOU GUYS HAVE ANOTHER SHOW TO SHOW US, LIKE, EVER? And it turns out I don’t get TLC! What the hell? What are Jon & Kate going to do without my unwavering-when-there’s-nothing-else-on support?
And then in other very happy news they’re handing out big bags of Doritos at work today and I took 2 bags even tho I think it was common courtesy only to take one each and spread the wealth but f*ck those guys cuz these Doritos are MIIIIIIINE!
And then in other not-so-happy news one of the bags I stole and ripped into immediately was the new Doritos Collisions that includes 2 different flavours of Doritos, one of those being hot wings or some shit? And my mouth? right now? ON FIRE.
And then in other very happy news I have a doctor’s appointment on Thursday morning and it’s already noon so I basically only have 2 days of working left this week and once you factor in the blogging and then lunchtimes it’s almost like I’m done right now (see? that’s the work ethic bosses look for).
And then in other not so happy news my keyboard is covered in bright orange Dorito powder and I’m a little worried that I’ve already used up my new keyboard quota for the month so I’d better hide it from the IT guys. Why? Why haven’t they learned by now to make keyboard-coloured Doritos for undercover snacking in the workplace? There’s a marketing idea just waiting to be discovered. I’m such an effing genius and my talents are being wasted I tell you.
Anyway, that’s all the nonsense I have to impart today. I’ll be back tomorrow, though, cuz who are we kidding about the whole “working hard” thing, anyway.
P.S. If you do happen to click on the “Doritos Collisions” link that I’ve provided above… um… WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT!? Some kind of exclusive chip review website? Hilarious. I came up with it by googling the product name because Doritos.com is WAAAAY too complex. It’s all interactive and scary. And I LERVE the internet, yo, so that’s sayin’ somethin’.
I fear we all have too much time on our hands – the chip reviewers and the Doritos marketers and me and this Dorito-centric postscript? It’s all a little ridiculous. I say, bring on the recession. Hell, make it a depression if you need to because we need some grit to show us what life is all about cuz I have a feeling it’s not about websites that are dedicated to rating chips (I’m happy to say that I will not be at all affected by the recession because I’ve already downgraded my cable and how much lower and grittier can it get?)